I'm Going To Make This Place Your Home

This week started out not as well as I thought it was going to. It rained everyday and when it wasn't raining, it was cloudy. And it was chilly. Well, chilly as in 70s. My friends and I became increasingly frustrated. We wanted our tans back since they left us during New Zealand. Our frustration was soon dropped when Wednesday opened the clouds and the sun shined in all its glory. It has been sunny ever since.

And I passed my class I thought I wasn't going to! Miracles do happen, my friends.

Wednesday was TEAN's (my program) farewell dinner. We tried to avoid the inevitable of starting our goodbyes. Saying goodbye to our resident director, Helen, and then to our Sydney orientation leader who so wonderfully surprised us at the dinner, Christian (we really must have been the best group ever!), created an emotional start to the night which carried into many more tears.

I can't imagine going to Australia without TEAN. Between these two and my advisor back home, Kate, I never felt lost or nervous or even worried about whether I was doing the right thing. Kate brought me reassurance before I left and these two brought me security while here. Thank you for everything.

One Big Happy Family.

I spent all Thursday at the pool and then met up with my friend and her mom and aunt, who are visiting her, for some drinks and appetizers. It was so nice to see someone with their family and know that I'm that much close to coming home. Although it started the ever-present conflict I'm having in my head of wanting to stay, but wanting to go home just as much. I've never felt so torn in my life.

I have less than 8 hours left here and this whole day I found myself saying things like, "This is the last breakfast I have here" or "This is the last time I'll tap off for the bus." And also trying to suppress the acceptance of the outcome of that conflict I'm having: going home.Yet, on cue, I could cry because of the happiness I have about that outcome. Talk about bipolar! To help, I'm forcing myself to strain my eyes on a specific thing and make sure I squeeze my eyes just tight enough to engrain the mental picture in there. Because I want to be able to mentally walk myself through this place when the inevitable "take me back" moods come.

I think one of the best indicators of whether or not you made the most of a time you spent is if you can say without hesitation or guilt that you would not have done a single thing differently while in that time.

I would not have done a single thing differently.

I was worried whether I was going to be able to say that. Once I got here, curiosity and wanderlust quickly started to get the best of me. I became aware of everything Australia had to offer and once it was known, I wanted to do all of it but was met with a lack of time, resources and money. But, I made the time work, the resources became available and it wasn't by the grace of God that the money was there--it was by the grace of the ones who are reading this. You know who you are. I would not have been able to do even a quarter of the things I did without the love and support of so many people in my life. A million thanks would never be enough but, thank you for giving me the world. My happiness is owed to you.

In my first post, I spoke of what I thought I was going to get out of this experience. You can click on that and read it again, but here's the gist of what was said, "I'm doing this to validate who I already feel I am--finally allowing myself to become who I've always been. I want to know that this dream that's finally coming true--the one I've dreamt for as long as I can remember--means I really know who I am, after all. And that I don't need the Elizabeth Gilbert kind of soul-searching trip to really begin my life. I want to experience and savor and explore what this world has to offer."

I then went and said I may take back the words of saying "I won't find myself." I don't take them back. I didn't find myself. I opened myself up--to new experiences, new people, new places, new food, new routines, new culture, a new life. My self has been here all along; it just needed Australia to expand its horizon. And for that, I'm forever changed. Two milestone achievements I would like to point out is that studying abroad taught me to actually wear my clothes until they're dirty before I put them in the laundry, and that the heel of the bread won't kill you if you eat it--it's worth the extra sandwich you get out of it. 

I saw places that I tried to capture into pictures and show you on here but their beauty isn't even a fraction of that snapshot. I wish all of you could see what I see when I close my eyes at night and replay those magical and breath-taking experiences. I also wish all of you could have gotten to know and love the people I have met here. I have made friends for life that feel more like family than anything else. Everyone in my program mended with pristine cohesion but still managed to fight like brothers and sisters at times and be completely fine the next day. It takes a special group for something like that to be true. I couldn't have appreciated this surreal place as much as I have if it wasn't for the company around me at all times. Even the plenty of others I met outside of my program feel like family and I really can't remember what a day is like without seeing these faces every day.  

So, this four-month journey has ended. I did my things and wrote about those things; you read those things and now we're here--both better, wiser, more well-rounded individuals in our quintessential forms. It is my sincerest hope that by this blog you were able to see what is possible when you dedicate yourself to something. I took it to the extreme and went to the other side of the world because I knew myself enough to know that's what I needed as a wake-up call to life. You might not need that extreme--although I would tell anyone they need to do it once in their life. Just do something. Please. This life is too short to be anything but happy with yourself, and your decisions. 

So, as my Pandora station plays Christmas music and I sit next to my two suitcases, hopefully below the weight restrictions, I look to the sky and thank my lucky stars for all that I am in this moment. And for not only where I've been, but where I'm going. 

I will see you all soon. Until next time, Australia. 

Cheers, mate. 

Sweetas, New Zealand

I'll be honest. Before Australia, I don't know if I ever really gave New Zealand more than a passing thought. I knew it existed but it took a raised conscious to remember it was there. So, when I was made aware of our study week here at the end of the semester, I knew I wanted to do a "big" trip (laugh if you must, considering this is just one big trip). I had my heart set on Thailand. The cultural immersion I would be thrown into fascinated me, but not so much my mom. She expressed her uneasiness with me going, warranted with the fact that only three other people were going. I easily relented and decided on New Zealand, really biting the bullet and splurging on an expensive package offered through Bond.

It was going to be a package that would allow me to hone my adventurous side, that has somehow been pushed back with the simple life of tanning and beaches I'm living. After all, the name of the tour was "Extreme New Zealand."

We got picked up from Bond at 4:30am Thursday morning, took an hour and a half bus ride to the Brisbane airport (which we almost died maybe three times because the driver was a little sketchy), and were in the air by 9am en route. New Zealand is three hours ahead of Queensland time, so instead of being 16 hours ahead of everyone, I was now 19. Which was actually a lot more convenient when the opportunity sparsely aroused with free wifi. Sleep deprived but being kept alert by excitement, we arrived in Christchurch around 3:00pm and were met by our tour guides, Matt and Raul. It wouldn't have been right if we didn't start the tour out with excitement. As we walked off the plane, two very friendly Christchurch police officers greeted us with "G'day" and "Welcome." We raised a brow but didn't think much of it, until we went through customs and realized one of us wasn't there anymore. Long, long story short, one of my friends had a little too much to drink on the plane, had opened his Duty Free liquor and was now in custody. He was slapped a $1000 fine and forced to catch up with us two days later, at his own expense and nearly eight hours away.

As if that wasn't enough, a little irony came into play when we left the airport and the first thing we walk onto the bus and see is two bottles of vodka and a shot glass. No, thank you. But just let that be an indication of some of the week.

The first day was the scenic drive of about eight hours met with a little rain and a lot of getting to know each other. We were going to be doing a coast-to-coast drive after the week was over so they made it clear that we would be spending a lot of time on the bus. A gas station stop to allow us to grab dinner for ourselves (I think it was a new low of me to eat Twisties as dinner), and many hours later, we arrived on the West Coast and snuggled in for the night at a cozy lodge (what would be one of five accommodations).

Friday we woke up bright and early and were ready for our first adventure: Fox Glacier hike!

At the bottom I was sweating from wearing too much but at this point, I was shivering and started to really get a sense of home's weather. They suited us up well with warm socks, hiking boots, crampons (spikes to clamp on) and walking sticks. I felt really official. The hike was a total of about two hours and through it we got to drink from glacier water, step on ice steps, attempt to slide down it, learn about just how fast the glacier is melting and even fear a little of death, but all the while smiling...

After our hike, it was time for lunch at the cafe and then to warm up with some hot chocolate that had the best marshmallows ever! We were on the road yet again to head to Queenstown, the adventure capital of the world. A pit stop landed us to a beautiful waterfall that apparently wasn't enough just to view for some, because two of my friends had to cross (and fall in) the freezing water in order to say they were in a waterfall. (Good thing I can already say that or I might have joined them...)

We continued onto the highest highway in New Zealand for hours that seemed long but not nearly as long as it really was due to stories, music, and all-around happiness to just be in the moment. A couple of pit stops allowed us to capture the scenery not by moving-bus.

By dinnertime, we arrived into Queenstown and stayed at the Reavers lodge that our tour guide Matt owns. It has a view of magnificence.

We freshened up and got ready to go out. All was well until I got to the bar and realized I didn't even bring my ID out...Oops! Luckily not everyone had left the lodge and one of my friends was able to grab it for me while I waited outside with our other tour guide, Raul, as we chatted about life. Such a great guy.

The extremity of the next day lingering over our heads finally got to us and we called it a semi-early night. The morning came all too soon and it was quite the day we had in store...BUNGEE JUMPING!

I wasn't scared. I was excited. But it was something about the Gondola ride up there, seeing the cliff, and people just launching themselves off the thing that made me second guess why I wasn't scared, and eventually influence me enough to change emotions. I knew I was going to do it; it was never a question of whether I could or not. It was more so how much I was going to shake, or repeatedly say "Oh My God, Oh My God, AHHH!" Then the worst part came when I had to watch my friends launch themselves off the thing while I still stood on solid ground. Or maybe the worst part was when it started to pour rain. The expression "Hey, it could be raining" never fit as well as it did then.

I watched Katie gear up with me right behind her next. Then, she stood on the edge but after two seconds, she was no longer there and all I could hear were her distant screams. I sat on the couch up there waiting for my turn that was delayed due to the cameraman's need for coffee. Your nerves really know when to weave in during the most opportune times. Five long minutes later, I was waving goodbye to my friends and the voice inside my head saying, "Just do it." And so I did...

I look like a rag doll but felt like Superwoman. It didn't hurt, although I was a little achy the next day. I swayed back and forth taking in the mountains and Queenstown and the absolute awe I felt my life was living. After I was done screaming, I quietly said to myself, "You chose the right life." I said it without thinking, and heard it without confusion. It was another one of those moments I had to myself before I had to clip the hoisting line to me and be dragged back up to be congratulated by all involved. A moment, I think, I'll always associate with this trip.

We were going to bring our heart rates back down by trying out the Luge rides but the ski lift broke down before we were able to, postponing it until Monday. It was fine by us because we headed back and had a group nap time that unintentionally lasted two hours. So needed.

Dinner was at the World Bar and that also started the Queenstown Pub Crawl. Although it wasn't the best of nights I had that week, it was still cool to see some of the eclectic bars Queenstown has to offer. It was pouring pretty much the whole night, actually I don't know if there was a day we were there that it didn't rain. New Zealand has rain about 180 days out of the year. All a part of the extremity I guess!

Sunday continued with the extreme nature with jet boating, a helicopter ride, and white water rafting grade 4/5 rapids. My friend bought the jet boating pictures and I haven't asked them from him yet but here's a little reenactment of our faces.

It could reach about 50mph and the driver intentionally drives into the directions of rocks and just at the last second will move slightly so that it just misses the side. 360 turns were also on the agenda. The boat only needs about 5cm of water to ride on. Shout out to Aunt Laura and Uncle Mark for semi-preparing me for this with cottage trips of jet skiing! A fun fact is that the river we were on actually has gold in it so people sometimes post up in hopes of finding some!

The helicopter ride was next. It picked us up in a designated spot and whooshed right away. I felt like I was in Grey's Anatomy on top of the hospital or something. I also felt a sense of importance, but I think that's natural. It whisked us away into the mountains, dipping and cruising through as if it was normal. We got full view of everything with clarity and although I was getting a little motion sickness, I was able to suppress it for the ten-minute ride. We landed in the water (casual) and were at the spot to start our white water rafting.

Because it had rained, the river was high and vicious. The instructors pleasantly informed us that of the four boats that went out in the morning, two had flipped. Cue anxiety once again! Before I knew it, we were down the river and ready for action. It wasn't too bad until we hit the rapids that we were warned about. My boat stayed intact but after the first one, one of the boats behind us flipped and all the instructors immediately turned professional. Our boat was quickly pulled to the side and we had to hold onto the rock so we didn't float down and our instructor threw his rope out to the flipped boat's passengers floating down the river. The current was so strong that you could see the fear in their eyes. It was scary to watch but reassuring knowing how quickly everyone was brought to safety.

We thought we were in the clear until we realized the end was the worst part: we had to go through a pitch black tunnel and come out on the other side to a grade 4 rapid that wasn't being nice that day. We had to get into "tunnel position" which was basically squeeze as low as you can (since the water was so high from the rain, the clearance of the top of the tunnel was pretty low), and tuck your oars in (because the clearance of the sides of the tunnel were just as little). Right before we got into the tunnel, a little false alarm happened when they thought a boat had not made it out of the tunnel and we were forced to dock the boat to the side again while the instructors tried to figure out what to do. After confirmation that everything was fine, we were ready to go. Paddling forward to the tunnel, I assumed position and got down. We were in. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel but I knew it wasn't going to be like the reassuring, cliche quote connotation of "everything is fine once you reach the light at the end of the tunnel." No. I had a grade 4 rapid to get through after that light!

After a breaking of my friend's oar in three in the tunnel from scraping the side, the end opened up to lightness but I was instantaneously underwater not really sure if I was going to make it back up. It was that split second where you know you're underwater but you're not sure how because you could have swore you were just looking at the sun. If I wasn't holding onto the rope inside the boat, I would have been a goner. My friend Molly was a goner. A few seconds later we were able to hoist her back in and at that point, we completed the grade 4/5 rapids and were at the end!

That night, we had a New Zealand BBQ of chicken wings, hot dogs, pork/apple schnitzel and dessert of ice cream in the town. I called it a night after watching Lord of the Rings, which I purposely did because of it irony, seeing as it was filmed right where I was staying. A couple of my friends even did a horseback ride through some of the scenes of the movie.

Monday we had the day to ourselves and so I walked around Queenstown, did some souvenir shopping, and attempted to study for my final. I sat in Starbucks but could hardly focus given that I had an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. I brought myself back to last semester when I would sit in Starbucks at school and study for hours, coming out smelling like coffee and loving every bit of it. It was more home to me than my dorm room. It never ceases to amaze me how that can happen even though I'm so far away. After that, we did the Luge ride and that was so fun. It was like real life Mario Kart! Although I almost flipped over because I took corners too fast, I think it was all a part of the fun.

We left Queenstown that night and headed to Wanaka in order to cut down some of our travel time the next day. We got there later than expected and entered the hostel bar immediately being bombarded by the employees who were shoving war paint on our faces to distinguish between the tour groups. C'mon, I hadn't even showered yet! We ate some blah BBQ and then got ready for the night. This might have been my favorite night out because everyone was together and we only had a short walk up some stairs to our rooms! There may or may not have been some contests with who can climb the pole the highest/who can dance the pole the best.

One of my tour guides, Matt. Coolest 23-year-old ever!!

The next morning we headed to Mt. Cook for our glacier boat ride.

We were so lucky with the weather. It was clear for just the right times we needed it. Arriving at Mt. Cook, it was so apparent that there is literally nothing to do other than rock climb and wander into nature. There is a hotel, hostel, one cafe in the hotel and only about 100 people live there. All of whom work in one of those three places. There are 6 kids enrolled in the school there with 2 teachers. God Bless those people. 

The glacier boat tour was nice, but nothing too extreme. I guess not maybe people can say that they have touched a glacier so I can pride myself in that. It was freezing and a little windy so we got a little splashed on the water. The instructor had us stick our hands in the water for 10 seconds and mine was numb by the end! 

The glacier is actually causing its own melting to a certain extent. The water is all from it and as it sits in front of it, it melts away the bottom, eventually causing the side to collapse into the water and retract the glacier even further. Aoraki/Mt. Cook is the highest mountain in New Zealand and has the Tasman glacier, which is what we were viewing. It's some length in kilometers that I don't really remember. 

Tuesday night we hung out at the hostel, obviously because we were in the middle of nowhere. Wednesday we packed up yet again and took another long drive to a sheep farm in Fairlie! At Morelea farms, we watched the farmer shear a sheep and we even got treated to a home cooked meal, all products of the farm. I tried lamb for the first time and I can't say that I hated it! 

After, we had homemade ice cream and apple turnovers that were so yums. Some of my friends even attempted to do their own herding of the sheep, although they weren't as successful as the dogs on the farm are.

A party bus ride later of dancing and singing, and we were at our last stop of the week, Christchurch. With nothing planned, we all just hung out at the beach, ate some pizza and went to the only bar that seemed open. In September 2010 and February 2011, Christchurch got hit with earthquakes that virtually destroyed the whole town. So, a lot still is being rebuilt but we managed to have a great last night there (and see so many stars).

Raul, our other tour guide.

4am came too soon and we were off to the airport, still trying to deny the inevitable. Matt didn't help it by telling us we were the best tour he had ever done, and that we were like his family. Sad, sad hugs were given and we were on our way back to the Gold Coast. That wasn't before we all were crying in the airport though. Literally.

It was the best week of my life and I mean that with the most conviction I've ever made. I will go back to New Zealand before I will come back to Australia. I felt more at home there. I like the people there more; I like who I was there more. Trying to condense the week into this post, obviously it's still long, wasn't hard because of the space constraint; it was hard because I was immediately brought back to every day. Yearning to go back. To jump off that cliff, go under that rapid, watch those stars. Everything was just so...perfect.

I now only have a week left. I took my last final this morning and although the result of that is questionable, I can't change anything anymore. I have a week here of nothing but trying to savor every last second. Like I have been for the past four months. Let's see just how much more I can get out of it. Expect one last post before I return!