I'm Going To Make This Place Your Home

This week started out not as well as I thought it was going to. It rained everyday and when it wasn't raining, it was cloudy. And it was chilly. Well, chilly as in 70s. My friends and I became increasingly frustrated. We wanted our tans back since they left us during New Zealand. Our frustration was soon dropped when Wednesday opened the clouds and the sun shined in all its glory. It has been sunny ever since.

And I passed my class I thought I wasn't going to! Miracles do happen, my friends.

Wednesday was TEAN's (my program) farewell dinner. We tried to avoid the inevitable of starting our goodbyes. Saying goodbye to our resident director, Helen, and then to our Sydney orientation leader who so wonderfully surprised us at the dinner, Christian (we really must have been the best group ever!), created an emotional start to the night which carried into many more tears.

I can't imagine going to Australia without TEAN. Between these two and my advisor back home, Kate, I never felt lost or nervous or even worried about whether I was doing the right thing. Kate brought me reassurance before I left and these two brought me security while here. Thank you for everything.

One Big Happy Family.

I spent all Thursday at the pool and then met up with my friend and her mom and aunt, who are visiting her, for some drinks and appetizers. It was so nice to see someone with their family and know that I'm that much close to coming home. Although it started the ever-present conflict I'm having in my head of wanting to stay, but wanting to go home just as much. I've never felt so torn in my life.

I have less than 8 hours left here and this whole day I found myself saying things like, "This is the last breakfast I have here" or "This is the last time I'll tap off for the bus." And also trying to suppress the acceptance of the outcome of that conflict I'm having: going home.Yet, on cue, I could cry because of the happiness I have about that outcome. Talk about bipolar! To help, I'm forcing myself to strain my eyes on a specific thing and make sure I squeeze my eyes just tight enough to engrain the mental picture in there. Because I want to be able to mentally walk myself through this place when the inevitable "take me back" moods come.

I think one of the best indicators of whether or not you made the most of a time you spent is if you can say without hesitation or guilt that you would not have done a single thing differently while in that time.

I would not have done a single thing differently.

I was worried whether I was going to be able to say that. Once I got here, curiosity and wanderlust quickly started to get the best of me. I became aware of everything Australia had to offer and once it was known, I wanted to do all of it but was met with a lack of time, resources and money. But, I made the time work, the resources became available and it wasn't by the grace of God that the money was there--it was by the grace of the ones who are reading this. You know who you are. I would not have been able to do even a quarter of the things I did without the love and support of so many people in my life. A million thanks would never be enough but, thank you for giving me the world. My happiness is owed to you.

In my first post, I spoke of what I thought I was going to get out of this experience. You can click on that and read it again, but here's the gist of what was said, "I'm doing this to validate who I already feel I am--finally allowing myself to become who I've always been. I want to know that this dream that's finally coming true--the one I've dreamt for as long as I can remember--means I really know who I am, after all. And that I don't need the Elizabeth Gilbert kind of soul-searching trip to really begin my life. I want to experience and savor and explore what this world has to offer."

I then went and said I may take back the words of saying "I won't find myself." I don't take them back. I didn't find myself. I opened myself up--to new experiences, new people, new places, new food, new routines, new culture, a new life. My self has been here all along; it just needed Australia to expand its horizon. And for that, I'm forever changed. Two milestone achievements I would like to point out is that studying abroad taught me to actually wear my clothes until they're dirty before I put them in the laundry, and that the heel of the bread won't kill you if you eat it--it's worth the extra sandwich you get out of it. 

I saw places that I tried to capture into pictures and show you on here but their beauty isn't even a fraction of that snapshot. I wish all of you could see what I see when I close my eyes at night and replay those magical and breath-taking experiences. I also wish all of you could have gotten to know and love the people I have met here. I have made friends for life that feel more like family than anything else. Everyone in my program mended with pristine cohesion but still managed to fight like brothers and sisters at times and be completely fine the next day. It takes a special group for something like that to be true. I couldn't have appreciated this surreal place as much as I have if it wasn't for the company around me at all times. Even the plenty of others I met outside of my program feel like family and I really can't remember what a day is like without seeing these faces every day.  

So, this four-month journey has ended. I did my things and wrote about those things; you read those things and now we're here--both better, wiser, more well-rounded individuals in our quintessential forms. It is my sincerest hope that by this blog you were able to see what is possible when you dedicate yourself to something. I took it to the extreme and went to the other side of the world because I knew myself enough to know that's what I needed as a wake-up call to life. You might not need that extreme--although I would tell anyone they need to do it once in their life. Just do something. Please. This life is too short to be anything but happy with yourself, and your decisions. 

So, as my Pandora station plays Christmas music and I sit next to my two suitcases, hopefully below the weight restrictions, I look to the sky and thank my lucky stars for all that I am in this moment. And for not only where I've been, but where I'm going. 

I will see you all soon. Until next time, Australia. 

Cheers, mate.